XIII. ANOTHER EXCERPT FROM A DRAFT OF THE LETTER I EVENTUALLY SENT MY PARENTS
I don't really know how to continue to "protect" you from this information, which is not new and has been out there for a long time. But I can say that some of your past reactions to the details of my life have colored my willingness to continue to share those details with you. I take responsibility for my side of that; it has been a default choice on and off to include only information that i know will go over without an emotional explosion-it's exhausting for me to be constantly teetering on the edge of disappointment. I'm sure the denial is equally exhausting to you. As a result, it's frequently been easier not to reveal all things to you. In the past, the negative reactions involved (often to any change, big or small) have included fear, skepticism, and anxiety-in lieu of things like acceptance, or a willingness to try to understand, or to be happy because i am happy and able to be myself in the world. Life is short, and who knows how much of it is left at any given time. You raised me to be strong and smart enough to know and be myself. Not to live a half life.
Excerpt from 'So There's This Man - What is it like for people to insist you're something you're not by T Cooper' from magazine - The Believer - Seventy Eighth Issue : Bruiser
perhaps better understood within the context of the entire feature,
the chosen excerpt struck a personal chord about parental relations and expectation